Why Do We Blame Others?

Blame Blaming Others: 6 Reasons Why People Play the Blame Game (developgoodhabits.com)is an excellent defense mechanism. Whether you call it projection, denial, or displacement, blame helps you preserve your sense of self-esteem Self-Esteem | Psychology Today by avoiding awareness of your own flaws or failings.  While this may seem like an excellent strategy in the short term (kind of like eating ice cream or a piece of cake when we are feeling down) it wreaks all sorts of havoc long term.  Without an awareness of our own flaws and failings we cheat ourselves of the opportunity for growth and remain stuck, dysfunctionally, where we are today, never realizing that we actually had a choice to acknowledge our part in the misunderstanding or to accept responsibility for the mistake.

Although it may seem otherwise, people who routinely blame others for their failings or flaws are usually those who suffer, even if unconsciously, from a lack of self-esteem.  They have never matured to the point where they can accept that they are not perfect and still love themselves and others unconditionally.  They feel the need to blame others and to point out flaws, wherever they believe that they exist, in some kind of winner takes all power game.  Only then can they allow themselves to sit back and revel in their righteousness. Constantly pointing out deficiencies in others is an abusive power play that masquerades as genuine concern. But it’s actually about shifting the focus and with it the responsibility for problems.    These are frequently the same people that if you pose the question “Would you rather be right or rather be happy?”  will not miss a beat in answering “Right”, because they cannot imagine allowing something wrong, no matter how minor, to be blamed on them rather than someone else.  Their egos will not hold up.  https://www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/malignant-self-love/the-narcissists-stripped-ego

Most of the time, we’re not very good at figuring out the causes of our own behavior, let alone someone else’s. The attributions we make can be distorted by our tendency to make illogical judgments. Just because the puzzle pieces fit together in the corners of our mind, does not necessarily mean that they create the picture that was intended.  We’re just as bad at making judgments involving the blameworthiness of actions in terms of intent vs. outcome.  We frequently concoct stories in our mind where all the pieces fit together perfectly and convince ourselves that we should blame the other person because we “know” their intent.  In reality, only one person in the whole world knows what their intent was, and that is the person who took the action.

It’s easier to blame someone else than to accept responsibility. Do You Accept Responsibility For Your Actions? – Good Choices Good Life There’s less effort involved in being upset with the other person than in recognizing your contributions to a bad situation or accepting the fact that you’re actually at fault and then changing your behavior and thought patterns, so you don’t do it again.  Perhaps you have been rewarded in the past for blaming others and creating a victim role for yourself. Victim Mentality: Causes, Symptoms, and More (webmd.com) In the end, you need to realize that that the only person who is suffering, is you.